While Dad’s away, let’s get our asses kicked by Spider-man!

This is the title of 85% of all crossover comics featuring Spider-man.

Okay, so first of all, I feel the title is just begging for comment. I mean, I sure feel like I’ve seen this title before. Anyone else? Well, here are some numbers for you that I have recently made up. Not only are 27% of all Spider-man titles “Along Came A Spider”, but 85% of crossover comics that feature Spider-man also use this title. In fact (and somewhat surprisingly), it turns out that when you look at all non-Spider-man Marvel books published between 1960 and 2010, a whopping 38% of those individual issues use this exact title. So, that’s weird. Anyway, it’s issue 35 and The Banshee is out looking for his lucky charms!

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However, he does not find any lucky charms. He finds this little robot, which I guess looks to him like a spider. In case you are wondering, yes, this little misconception soon become integral to the plot. The little robot bastard zaps Banshee right off his ass, and with his last bit of strength he is able to get a message off to the X-Men (whom he knows will soon be out looking for some lucky charms of their own). His dire warning consists of three words, ‘beware… the spider…’

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Meanwhile, Spider-man is being creepy and hanging out at an abandoned mill when another of these robots shows up and accosts him. He makes sure to mention that it looks like a spider, you know, for the plotline, and then, unlike the Banshee, proceeds to smash it into dust.

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And then, the newly rebuilt Cerebro starts going off again. Is it detecting Spider-man taking instagram shots of abandoned buildings on X-men property? Our boys leave Jean behind, because she’s ‘the girl’, I guess, and head out to check on the old mill. They’re all jazzed up and ready for a fight because Professor X has been kidnapped, so when they find Spider-man, they remember Banshee’s warning about spiders and they attack immediately. Which is something they do a lot. It’s usually Bobby’s fault, I think.

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Well, Spidey gets to work and has no trouble with Beast, Angel, and Iceman. Scott figures that now that everyone’s had a bit of a fight, maybe it’s a good time to have a little chat and figure out what’s going on.

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Back at base, Marvel Girl is drinking wine coolers and playing the Sims and thinking about the fact that as soon as the boys left, Cerebro stopped screaming. She follows her training, and waits the appropriate amount of time for an extensive and property-damaging brawl to take place, watches a little version of herself level her mechanical skill twice by crafting garden gnomes, and then she gets on her magic cell-phone watch and lets the dudes know that everything’s cool.

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So, everything works out. Except we still don’t know where the Prof is, and Banshee’s out of commission, and we spent the entire afternoon getting tossed around an abandoned building because of our strict ‘questions later’ policy. Also, Spider-man thinks we’re a bunch of full-time NUTS.

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Posted on May 23, 2013, in Banshee, Cerebro, Dave Posts, Factor Three, Spiderman and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Banshee was such a boss in his last adventure. Here he just gets his ass handed to him.

  2. Oh man. I love this.

    ‘Cause once Claremont took over, they implied that the new x-men, while having greater powers than the old team, weren’t nearly as skilled in battle as the original x-men.

    And now I learn that those guys outnumbered one of the biggest losers in the marvel universe(at the time) five to one, and they still got their butts kicked.

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