Magneto gets his own club.

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He didn’t want to be in your silly little club of do-gooders anyway. Seriously. And just to show you Professor X, he’s going to start his own club. They’re called the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants. Only they’re not so much a brotherhood as much as they are a bunch of bickering brats and they’re not as much evil as they are either enslaved or just desperate to be friends with the angry eyed guy in the cool helmet.

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Meet the brotherhood. Magneto, Toad, Mastermind, Scarlet Witch, and Quicksilver. X-Men #4 introduces us to the first super villain team that our heroes will ever have to face. Luckily for the X-Men, this unmotivated, untrained group of bumblers couldn’t reach for success if you held it in front of their face. Toad is a wormy, ass kissing shit for brains too busy hopping on his ass all the time and trying to make out with Magneto. Mastermind seems fairly intelligent and he employs his mutant power rather well. He’s the only member other than Magneto who actually comes off as genuinely evil. At one point he uses his ability to create illusions to make the entire population of a small fictional country run in terror at the sight of an imaginary fascist army. However, he’s arrogant and does little else other than fight with everyone around him.

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In fact, the Brotherhood spends about as much time fighting each other than they do the X-Men.

Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver are brother and sister, and they have a pretty close relationship. Imagine Angelina Jolie and her brother during awards season. They’re also reluctant to take part in any criminal activity, but we find out that they have no choice.

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Apparently Magneto saved their lives and now they owe him a life debt. Lame. Still, it’s nice to get some back story for a few of these characters. I like that Stan Lee is giving us a few tragic villains for us to sympathize with. It seems like it’ll be a while before Magneto reaches that level of character development.

Once again, the X-Men are called into action. Duty has to interrupt all of the incredibly important things that teenage boys and girls liked to do in 1963.

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Now we know that Beast likes to show off even when he’s alone, Jean likes to dance, Angel is into Ham radio, and Iceman can drink half his weight in milk shake. Way to suck it, Bobby. Whatever Cyclops was doing it was apparently too obscene for them to publish. I’m tempted to throw in some sort of immature dirty joke about “old one eye” but I’ll restrain myself.

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Before our teams go at it, Professor X and Magneto have a trippy cosmic argument in space. This is pretty significant because it is the first conversation that we ever see these two have. It is the first signal that they have a long, complicated history, and really the first acknowledgement that they even know each other. Magneto gets all googly-eyed and angry fisted, as usual. However, now he manages to draw as much anger out of Xavier. This is what happens when you try and share some space with your old college buddy. It starts out all great; you’re both on drugs and talking philosophy. Then the next thing you know you’re at each other’s throats over stupid shit like the dishes and the utilities and the human race.

When these teams finally do fight, it is shortlived. The Brotherhood escapes this issue, but not before Quicksilver can sabotage Magneto’s efforts to destroy an entire country. It appears that Quicksilver can’t bring it to himself to do evil, even as he does evil to pay for a good deed, because to do less would be evil. Got it? Good, because it’s the most character development we’ve really had up to this point.

IMG_0156Finally our story briefly ends with the revelation that Xavier has somehow lost all of his mutant abilities! The horror!

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The X-Men are left with no clue as to Magneto’s whereabouts, and continue their job of searching for new mutants. They find one while watching a sporting event on television. It must be a mutant! He’s good at sports! Look how far he can jump! Racism.

IMG_0161The X-Men intervene and rescue the mutant from a crowd of angry sports fans who paid to see human sports and got mutant sports. Once they’re safe and someone finally bothers to take a decent look at the guy, they really that it’s just Leatherface. I mean Toad.

The rest of the Brotherhood shows up and spring a trap! Magneto, Mastermind, Quicksilver, and Scarlet Witch battle the X-Men right in none other than Grand Central Station in New York City.

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I want to note how similar this is to the X-Men movie from 2000. The X-Men are fighting Magneto and the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants, including Toad, in Grand Central station in New York City.

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The Brotherhood gets away in their rocket ship, and with Angel held captive! Obviously the X-Men manage to get up there and save them, and they have their first adventure in space.

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However, Magneto gains the upper hand. Right when he is ready to dispose of them, it is Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch, who are finally done doing good deeds long enough to do some actual good deeds, decide to defy their leader. The X-Men escape, the Brotherhood is left to regroup, and their most difficult battle yet is now over.

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And then this happens. Apparently Professor X never lost his powers, and he was just testing his team. I’m going to assume that Xavier was monitoring them the whole time and isn’t some dick who would abandon his new recruits in the face of their toughest adversary. But I have doubts. Go ahead and smoke your pipe you smug asshole.

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Posted on February 20, 2013, in Brotherhood of Evil Mutants, Ed Posts, Magneto, Mastermind, Quicksilver, Scarlet Witch, Toad and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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